Adult Survivors of Child Sex Abuse

If you were raped or sexually abused as a child, the first thing you should know is that it is not your fault, you did not cause it, and you are not to blame in any way, despite what you may have been told.

Society assumes people who have been sexually abused in childhood are damaged and not capable of living a normal life. On the contrary, survivors have full lives and succeed in a range of professions and in all strata of society. In doing so, they show great strength and courage. Adult survivors resist the effects of the abuse in many ways, and find strategies to help with healing.

Emotional Effects

If you were sexually abused as a child, you may have been deeply affected in many ways. Survivors have many strengths and resources to help them overcome these effects.

Emotional isolation

Children who are abused can be very emotionally isolated. The abuser can force the child to keep the abuse a secret. If the abuser is a family member, the child may worry about what will happen to the family if the secret is told. The burden of the secret can be carried into adulthood. Carrying a secret, and the abuse itself, can make the survivor feel different and apart from others, not like a normal person.

Self-blame and guilt

As a child, you may have thought you were to blame for the abuse. You may have felt that the abuse was punishment for something you did wrong. The abuser may, in fact, have told you this was the case. Children usually assume that adults, who are in a position of authority, are right. The guilt and shame felt by the child can persist into adult life.

Betrayed trust
As an abused child, your trust was betrayed, perhaps by someone trusted by the family, or even by a family member. When this happens it can be difficult to trust again. It can be difficult when you’re an adult survivor to trust in yourself, as well as to trust others.

Experiencing triggers

If you were sexually abused as a child, there may be things that trigger memories. These include not only obvious things like childbirth, Pap smears , or the way your partner touches you sexually, but also everyday things such as colors, kinds of furniture or vehicles, sounds, or smells that bring back memories or feelings associated with the abuse.

Challenges for adult survivors

Relationships

Abused children are forced to do what the adult abuser wants. The adult's wants come before the child's needs. Sometimes the child has also been charged with keeping the abuse a secret, at their own expense, to protect their family. As a result of this kind of abuse, adult survivors may feel they have to put the needs of others above their own by feeling protective of others, and over-responsible. In relationships, the survivor may have problems asserting themselves. This may be with friends, partners, relatives, or people at work. Some survivors have problems in sexual relationships, because sex and physical contact may recall the circumstances of the abuse.

Anger

Some adult survivors report problems with anger. It may be anger that is hard to direct, such as anger with fate or God. Adult survivors may feel angry with themselves for not being able to stop the abuse, angry with the abuser, or angry with parents or care givers for not protecting them.

Depression

Some adult survivors report depression as a symptom of abuse. Research shows, in fact, that depression is the most frequently reported symptom (Berliner & Elliot, "Sexual abuse of children," in Briere et al (eds), The APSAC handbook on child maltreatment, 1996).

Fear, anxiety, and always feeling on guard

Fear and anxiety are normal responses to trauma, and so is feeling the need to be on guard against possible danger. Researchers have found survivors of sexual abuse are up to five times more likely to be diagnosed with at least one anxiety disorder than other people (Saunders et al, "Child sexual assault as a risk factor for mental disorder among women: a community survey," in Journal of Interpersonal Violence 7, 1992).

Self-harming, addictive, compulsive, and suicidal behaviors

Many survivors develop strategies to avoid overwhelming feelings and memories and the pain associated with them including:

Eating problems, including starving, bingeing, vomiting food, or overeating
Sexual difficulties, including avoidance of sex, promiscuity, or experiencing fear and flashbacks
Being a workaholic, over exercising, or other compulsive behaviors
Engaging in self-harm, including cutting and burning one's arms, legs, genitals or other parts of the body
Repeatedly thinking about wanting to die

Seeking counseling may be one way to find alternative strategies for working through the pain, memories and other impacts of abuse.

Call Renew's 24-hour crisis hotline at 970-565-2100 for assistance and free professional counseling.

Fear that I'll become an offender
Some people believe that someone who was sexually abused as a child will grow up to become a child abuser themselves. This can lead to constant self-questioning and anxiety about being near children.

There is no basis for this belief; no link has ever been established between abuse in childhood and later becoming an offender.

Traumatic amnesia
A child who was unable to tell anyone about the abuse, or told but wasn't believed, is under great pressure to deal with the abuse by themselves in other ways. Some survivors have experienced traumatic amnesia or delayed recall of memories of child sexual abuse. Traumatic amnesia is a particular response of the brain that prevents a child from having any conscious recall of the abuse. It is associated with extreme emotional trauma and has been documented by researchers in relation to a wide variety of traumatic events, not just child sexual abuse. One study found that traumatic amnesia was more likely to occur in child sexual abuse survivors if:

the abuse took place when the child was very young
the child feared death if they told anyone
the abuse was associated with physical injury
there was more than one abuser. (Briere & Conte, "Self-reported amnesia for abuse in adults molested as children", in Journal of Traumatic Stress 6, 1993).

Women who were abused as children
The effects of child sexual abuse are further strengthened for girls and women by what can be called 'gender training'-the way women are seen in our culture. Guilt, powerlessness and being there for others are promoted by a wide range of social and cultural practices which blame women and girls for sexual violence, suggest women are responsible for maintaining relationships and moral standards and encourage women to be passive and dependent on others (Dympna House Info Kit, 1998).

Healing
There is an assumption in society that people who have been sexually abused in childhood are 'damaged' and not capable of living a normal life. On the contrary, survivors manage to live their lives and succeed in a range of professions and in all strata of society. In doing so they show great strength and courage. Despite the impacts of child sexual assault, adult survivors resist the effects of the abuse in many ways, and find strategies to help with healing.

Getting help
If you have decided that it's time to get some support to heal from the impacts of the abuse, or are trying to support someone else in their healing, Renew operates a 24-hour crisis and referral service.

All Services are FREE and CONFIDENTIAL

CALL 970-565-2100 TO SPEAK TO AN ADVOCATE

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